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Sun, Sep. 13th, 2009, 05:36 pmOMG. taking back sunday weezer and blink were AMAZING! soooooo much funn! and the pit wasn't that bad after a while sucked that we were late though. also that i didn't get merch but whateves. totally amazingly worth everything. i'm pretty sore. it feels like i worked out my abs and legs. and i got a bruise on the bottom of my leg and on my foot between my ring and pinky toe all on my right foot. but i guess it balanced out cause my left foot is way more sore in comparison. haha. loved that we had pit tickets! sucks that we kinda got separated though. i was with shiena and leslie tiff was with preet and i think gabe and nicole were together or at least i hope cause if they were by themselves that sucks. OHHH AND WE DIDN'T TAKE A PICTURE! not of the concert i took some...but it was hard to do that and fully enjoy the concert. i wanted a picture of all of us! ohh well next time. anywhoo... the area where we presumed kitty has a car on now has red lines coming down from it. kuya said it could be a scar from a cut but it seems tooo red. makes me sad and nervous. we need to get him checked. ohh and i haven't seen mike and boo all day and that never happens. hope they show up. all this is making me worry. plus i have a test i should be studying for but i'm physically tired, lazy, and worried. ohh welll. i'll try but i still have tomorrow i guess. p.s. tiffyluna17RT @swtkatastrophe: RT @cadetapplesauce: RT: @lesliepants: BLINK 182 WAS AMAZING. WEEZER WAS AWESOME. MY JR HIGH FANTASY COME TRUE! Sun, Aug. 16th, 2009, 11:39 am
soo things were going amazingly well that is until yesterday. the past few days made my summer as well as my shows. in fact the day before yesterday was awesome some drama but i made sure i was not a part of and it worked well. i didn't care i was drinking and having fun with my friends and i was no longer talking to him so it was not my problem. but yesterday after the dizziness i remembered as much as i could and the unanswered phone calls and ims and for some reason i can't shake the feeling. i don't know what it is exactly. i know for a fact that i'm perfectly fine without him. hell, especially with the way he was acting i am in some ways glad. but i guess the im affected me way too much when i read it. i guess i just hate goodbyes, no matter who they may be from. i don't miss him, i know that for a fact. i miss the person i knew or at least, i miss the person i thought i knew. sometimes i think of the past and only see that person and not who he is now. that's when i miss him the most. that is when i lose sight of reality. cause at times i wish things were how they were and i would feel the happiness i did without all the knowledge i now hold. or at the very least, we would be okay and enjoy each other's company again. i know many times i act as though lost friendships don't bother me, or that they're inevitable. but i think i am sometimes scared of trying to save them and failing. grrr. i hate this. i feel like i'm going through the whole process over again! maybe it's best that things end this way. i just hate endings altogether. Thu, May. 14th, 2009, 08:49 pm
Tue, Mar. 31st, 2009, 10:47 pm
i hate school. it is what i hate about getting up in the morning. i hate waiting too. i wait for the bad days and the bleh days to pass just to get to the good ones. shows really do make my life feel worth it nowadays. pathetic, i know. but it's all that i have really to look forward to. yo no se. so anxious for when i actually see the doctor i really need to get this over with and not have it stuck in my head. and i do need to work as much as i hate the idea the only way to be happy and watch my shows is if i have money. boo. why does everything good cost money. i need my tax refund asap. ohh. p.s. nfg was amazing! getting barricade just made it all the more amazing. i really really do love going to shows. =] Mon, Mar. 16th, 2009, 12:34 amcan't sleep. long weekend. why aren't you going out with the person you like? not ready to go out with anyone. or it's not likely to happen cause they're a celebrity. hah. in the past 72 hours have you been under the influence? yupp. kinda against my will though. how has this week been for you? school is blaah only thursday ws okay cause of our plan. weekend was alright too i guess. what are you doing tonight? should be doing my paper but i guess imma cram it in tomorrow. been caught doing something you weren't supposed to do? ummm... no? does it bother you when your friends bring up your past mistakes? not really. i kinda just find it very reflecive and wished they would've helped me realize them more back then. who is currently on your bad side? no one really. not itme for that. life is short. will your next kiss be a mistake? no. i'll make sure of that. at least i hope. what are you listening to right now? an episode of jon and kate plus 8. are you friends with someone who's older than you? can i consider them my friends even though i consider them family too? what's the most unusual place you've changed your clothes? under a desk at school or at the beach covered by towels. who made you laugh today ? myself, i'm hilarious. oh and family. who do you miss? my life before it got complicated and the people involved before bullshit set in. do you have any funny inside jokes ? yes. if you don't get it is not cause i'm weird. name something you dislike about the day you're having? can't sleep. do you regret anything? yes. i always ALWAYS second guess myself, but i'm hoping everything turns out for the better and that everything happens for a reason. what are you going to do this weekend? homework. twilight dvd. out with friends? who would you like your next "fling" to be with? no flings. ever. not my thing. is any part of your body sore? nope. if you had to move in with a friend, which one would you pick? no idea to be honest. i guess any of my friends who are single, this is if i had to pick now. what is the farthest you've traveled with a friend? san di-fucking-ego. never again. if there was a longer stay and actually planned shit out. never again a repeat of that time. any of your friends so close that you consider them family? all of the people i consider my close friends. they're close cause i consider them family. anyone told you a secret this week? don't know if it was considered a secret. either way i didn't tell anyone. would you change yourself? yes in some ways, but no if it changes me completely of who i am or want to be. is there someone you will never forget? yess. it is hard to forget sometimes, even if you want to. has anyone ever seen you in your underwear/ boxers/ bra? yes. who was last to cook for you? tita always cooks for everyone. when is the next time you'll see the second person on your top? i have no idea who that is. has anyone ever sang to you? yes. i think it's sweet when people sing to others...i wish i could sing! have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced? yess! i want the side of my lip pierced! but i'm pretty sure it won't look right yadda yadda yadda... is there anyone you would hit? i always hit my broham. who is someone you tell everything to? no. there are people who will hear things eventually, but i'm not one to tell everything. i think it's better to keep some things a secret. is anyone attracted to you? nope. is there a friend you can't stand? occasionally, but overall why would i be friends with someone i can't stand? who are your best friends? jenn, heather, kim, nicole, christian, and my nanays =]. do you own a pair of jeans worth over $200? no. i'd sell that shit for the money if i did. are you looking forward to this week? yea, i guess. were you a cute baby? i was chubby and chinky. what' s the last thing you put in your mouth? my retainer. i like having my slight lisp. if you could seek revenge on someone, would you? no, karma's a bitch. what's the greatest thing that happened to you today? playing with the babies! ohh and the food was good. do you ever think "what if" about anything? all the time. drives me crazy sometimes. be honest, who are you texting? no one? whoo, that was a tough one. this time last year, can you remember who you liked? yes. thanks for reminding me. [stupid questions!] what is something that you realized today? that i like cats but maybe it's because i like my cat even though my cat kinda acts like a dog. hmmm... do you think anyone has feelings for you? no. who was the first person you talked to today? ate. how late did you stay up last night? 330-4? do you smoke weed every day? nope nevever have. only if i need to, with certain band members, or eat it possibly if it's legalized. haha. could you go a month without cursing? if i was always near children and never get mad. have you ever ridden a horse? yupp looonnngggg time ago. i wanna learn how to horseback ride though. you can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life, what is it? water. are you anything like you were at this point last year? yea, maybe i was happier and carefree. now i'm not sure particularly how i ever feel or try to feel. have you lost contact with someone you wish you didn't? no. i'm good at not contacting others, my downfall i suppose. when's the last time you talked with the opposite sex on the phone? hah. saturday, for like a second, cause i accidentally still had my brother wallet. [this is kinda sad. hah.] do you think you are a good person? yes, at least i try to be. do you miss the way things used to be? yess a good majority of the time i think of the past. i hope things get better though so i won't have to compare the two so often. have you held hands with anyone in the past 24 hours? babies. are you a patient person? sometimes. depending on the people and situations. do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months? yes. i think i can only do long-term relationships. what's the point of wanting a short-term? are you afraid of death/ yes. very much so. i don't like being left or leaving others. when was the last time you cried? sometime this past week. yo no se. think a lot before you fall asleep? yes, hence filling this shit outt. what do you think your number 1 is doing right now? once again, no idea who that is. who would be the first person to know if you got pregnant? no idea. sister, the boy, or one of my close friends. do you care what others think about you?yeaa, i try not to but i think it's kinda inevitable. were you happy when you woke up today? no. i was still tired. closest green object to you? pillow. what was the first thing you did when you woke up? try to sleep again. what were you doing at 8 this morning? sleeping. have you talked to a complete jerk today? no. what are you excited for? weekend! and concerts in general. do you eat junk food every day? not everyday =] who was the last person you rode in the car with that was under 21? the children i pick up from school. do you have curly hair? no it's just kinda wavy poofy-ish? are you mad at anyone right now? nope. do you live on your own? nope. where is the person you care about the most? to be honest there is no most. family in general i guess, who are within their households. would you like receiving flowers or do you think that's tacky? i would love it and think it's sweet but also think that no one has to waste money on flowers for me. i don't think i'd ever get used to possibly being spoiled. i'd feel soooo bad. what pisses you off a whole lot? stupid people. how have you felt today? ehhhh. who was the last person you slept in a bed with? goddaughter. she moves A LOT. do you have any plans for tomorrow? school. boooo. what were you doing at 10:00 am? at home talking? Fri, Mar. 13th, 2009, 10:32 pmso i'm getting nervious Wed, Mar. 11th, 2009, 09:33 pmsooo... i don't really wanna do my homework yet and i can't totally focus on the game or i'll get anxious. so i've decided to do another one of these surveys. ok? go! Where was the last place you went out to eat? ummm does mcdonalds count if i just got a sundae and didn't eat there? What was the last non alcoholic beverage you consumed? water =] Which do you prefer - eyes or lips? eyes. how can you just stare at someone's lips? kinda weird if you ask me. Best kind of pizza? ummm... i don't know? i'm very traditional and would be happy with pepperoni. Is your bedroom window open? no. are you crazy? Who was the last band you saw live? the killers, death cab for cutie, bloc party, franz ferdinand, jack's mannequin, &dizzy balloon. Do you take care of your friends while they are sick? ummm... i don't know what you mean by that. if they ask for help yes. but they usually don't want me to get sick either. What is your favorite soda? who loves orange soda? i do i do i dooo. When was the last time you purchased something over $500? ummmm....i don't think i've purchased one item over $500 but i bought 6 tickets for 2 separate concerts in one day if that counts? What brand of digital camera do you own? canon. Where did your last kiss take place? haha. ummm to be honest i don't even know and don't even wanna think about it. What were you doing at 11:59 PM on Monday night? getting ready to watch jon and kate plus 8. How about put your legs behind your head? yessum. you learn what your body can do when you take yoga. Have you ever stolen anything off of a road? off a road? noo? When was the last time you dyed your hair? damnn...umm... maybe sophomore year? i don't know, it's been a while. Who was the last person you rode in a car with? jenn and kayla. Miss someone? yeaa i miss a lot of people. Who has your heart at the moment? no one that i know in real life. hah. What did you go to bed last night thinking about? i'll finish my paper in the morning. must sleep! oh and i LOVE this song (i want to know your plans). haha. Is there anyone on your mind at the moment? no. too busy watching warriors! woo! Which type of music do you find most annoying? ehh... i don't know. don't really listen to much other music so i can't really say. Has anyone "made your day" today? no. but my day was pretty good and usually i don't have anyone to "make my day" anyways. Do your lips get chapped often? ummm i'm not sure? i always carry burt's beeswax to quickly remedy that problem though. Who/what was that last thing that you slept with? care bear! Any plans for tonight? 1st draft of english essay and hopefully watching the warriors win this game. When was the last time you took a shower? last night. Do you always wear socks when you put your shoes on? yea. that's disgusting if you don't. Do you have the google toolbar? yupp. Internet Explore or Firefox? internet explorer but everyone tells me to use something else. yo no se? Do your parents do things that 'embarrass' you? yes. but it's okay there's little contact anyways. Who was the last person you e-mailed? slim's to update me on shows. Do you have a stuffed animal from when you were baby still around? yupp...well at least as far back as i can remember. Is your hair up or down right now? up. What was the last gift you got from someone? hmm...no idea to be honest. been a WHILE, if anything money. hah. Do you care if a boyfriend or girlfriend smokes? their personal choice but i don't like the smell or consequences so it's unlikely i'd want to go out with them in the first place. How are you feeling today? ehhh whatever. by the way that's a good response coming from me. Single? yupp. Will you be in a relationship a week from now? it's not likely. Mon, Mar. 9th, 2009, 05:53 pmWhat kind of mood are you in today? a bit excited and anxious, as per usual. What were you doing at 8 this morning? attempting to get ready for school. Have you talked to a complete jerk today? not one that i'm aware of. Want someone back in your life? yes please. What are you excited for? nfg, the fray/ jack's mannequin, no doubt/ paramore, & eventually blink show, disneyland, summer!, and twitour 2010. hah. Have you ever worn the opposite sex' s clothing? yupp. their sweaters are wayyy more comfortable. Are you mad at anyone right now? nope. too much wasted time and energy. When is your birthday? june 3rd. Could you date someone taller than you? yes, i'd prefer it. What makes you happy at this moment? listening to taylor lautner answer question on blogtalkradio. =] Do you have your tonsils and wisdom teeth? yes. yes. When did you last cry? last night. why did cedric diggery have to die?! haha. What's your worst habit? indecisive. Do you find it easier to forgive or forget? forgive. Do you hate being alone? no. sometimes i prefer it. i needa learn how to balance it though. What was the first thing you thought this morning? snooze button. What did you do this weekend? party which i was not into & stay at home reading. Have you ever, in any way, been betrayed by someone you trusted? it's inevitable. you just gotta move past and learn from it. Who was your last missed call from? jenn. Do you love someone? i love everyone. Happy? i have moments. it's fleeting, and i'm trying to learn to live in it and cherish it. Do you still think about someone in your past? yes. How do you feel? about the previous question or in general? if in general right now: happy! Where did you get the shirt you're wearing? my sister. we share clothes sometimes. hah. Are you giving up on someone? no, at least i try not to? Do you ever get a text saying good morning? nope. so not a morning person! Ever been lied to by someone you thought would never lie to you? yes, disappointing and disheartening but everyone's human. live and learn. Last time you cried from laughing? possibly bjs for preet's birthday? not sure. been a while. What are you craving right now? nothing really. hmmm...content right now. Who did you last take a picture with? joanne and kuya marc. Have you ever slapped someone in the face? not that i remember. i could have though. i was a mean child. Do you have any piercings? typical ears pierced. want eyebrow or side of lip if i knew it would look good. Where was the last place you fell asleep other than your own bed? wow. ate's couch? Have you ever liked someone older than you? yes. Was it a boy or a girl to text you last and what did it say? girl. something about calling in advance so we can ask a question. Is there someone you wanna date right now? no. Is there anybody you wish you could be spending time with right now? someone i know, no. hypothetically speaking, yes. Have you fixed friendships with anyone lately? nope. not my fault. Are you the same as you were a year ago? in some aspects, yes. but i hope i learned a lot from this past year. Done anything illegal lately? hasn't everyone? What are you doing tomorrow? school. booo. Do you think that you have made a difference in someones life? if anything in life, i hope that i eventually do make a difference in someone's life. What's the last thing you ate? teriyaki chicken and rice. Are you gonna be home alone tonight? my house is ALWAYS filled with people. First thing you did this morning? put on the radio. I've come to realize that, my last ex: didn't go to sd yet. hah. opps. I've come to realize that, when I drive: i focus a lot on my surroundings and my music. I've come to realize that my friends: want me to be happy. I've come to realize that, I've lost: a number of things that i'd probably never find. I've come to realize that, I hate: being poor. I've come to realize that, marriage: is something i want but may not have. I've come to realize that, I'll always: be related to my family. I've come to realize that, I'll never: have all the answers when i want them, and when i have them i may not like them. I've come to realize that, the last time I truly cried was: a while back, i try not to let those times become a habit. I've come to realize that, I want: to be happy in life. I've come to realize that, when I wake up in the morning: i'm reminded of how much i dread school. I've come to realize that, before I go to sleep at night: i needa make sure there isn't things i need to do instead (i.e. homework, study, etc.) I've come to realize that, right now I am thinking about: how i really like this song. sweet child of mine - guns and roses. I've come to realize that, I get on MySpace: just to see and updates from bands that i'm unaware of (and to see my picture with kellan =]. ) I've come to realize, that today: i see things a little bit different from yesterday. I've come to realize that, true love: possibly exists but isn't the fairytale, disney shit we think it is. it involves effost on both parts. I've come to realize that, I like: when i can be eternally happy and live in the moment. I've come to realize that my life: isn't all that bad. and i gotta be positive. Sat, Mar. 7th, 2009, 12:37 am
so now that i know a little bit more info i kinda felt like sharing it with someon other than mom, tita, or kayla (who doesn't really count cause she is kinda oblivious) but again i don't want it to be a big deal unless i'm for sure it is. and i would love to tell mybest friend this cause i mean you're suppose to tell each other everything. there again comes my trust issue. it's not exactly that i don't trust i just don't want them to overreact if it happens to be nothing. and since i don't want everyone to know the question comes to who to tell? i don't have a best friend. i guess i never did. the closest i think i came was when ava was my best friend but i think i'm kinda selfish. if i have a best friend i think i'm the kinda person that just wants to be that one persons best friend. i don't like telling my secrets to anyone and i'd figure if my "best friend" had close friends then they would tell them. but i realize that even one person can't hold a burden on there own and sometimes tries to find an outlet for the same problem. anywho. yeaaa no best friend to tell. i have close friends but then comes the dilemma of who to tell i feel it unfair that i find it fit to tell one and not tell the other when i don't find any the more suitable or more i find comfortable. i also can picture it being blown out of proportion and not being a secret. another issue is how to even bring the subject up. i'm not one to talk much so talking about this would be awkward on both sides. i also don't wanna worry people if it turns out to be nothing then it's a lot of wasted energy. i don't know. it's situations like this where i wish i had a boyfriend because i know for a fact that i would tell him if not anyone else in my life now. it'd be embarassing , yes. i'd be terrified with how he'd react and if he's change his mind of me. but since there's no push or pull, because i wouldn't hurt anyone but me in the process, i would tell him. i mean if something is wrong, i can deal with it in addition to any bullshit that boys pull. but i know for a fact i'd feel obligated and safe in telling him, despite the fact that he's a hypothetical "him." to be honest, i'm not sure if this whole hullabaloo is suppose to scare me or how i'm suppose to react at all. mother isn't making a big deal of it but i mean, the only time she makes a big deal of anything i do is when she happens to disagree. so yo no se. like...obviously it could become a big deal but since we're not sure then "whateves"? i don't know. kinda confused. i guess i'm just living life with more awareness that the possibility of something bad so while it's still good i'm living my life? i guess we'll find out soon. hopefully. Sun, Mar. 1st, 2009, 10:58 am
so i've realize how bad of a friend i am. i try to justify it with school and the whole situation but that just makes me an even worse friend. i don't know. and if i tell them the situation i feel like now i'm just using it as an excuse and thus i'd have to improve. but after the whole messy situation with he who should not be named i think my trust in people has diminished moreso. way to go. i don't know. i've gotten used to keeping more things in. and at first it was because of school but now it has no explanation and just became part of who i am now. and now i just want to stay home and be alone. sure every now and then it's not the case but a majority of the time i'd rather spend alone. i guess it's a way to get used to it when the situation is that i don't want to be alone but i would have no choice. it's okay though. i'm good at being alone. i just wish i was more productive like i was before this semester started. and i would actually make the effort to balance my time. i don't know. i am happy with life. i mean that whole weekend i was incredibly happy and the picture still instantly makes me smile. maybe it's cause almost everyone here that i hang out with has something/someone else that makes them happy and i miss that. not him but the relationship aspect. and i get jealous or something. i don't know. i guess i should be so grateful to even have someone for a while even though it went to shit. anywho. umm... my situation. well i know nothing yet. i've been trying to be positive and tell myself it's nothing which is why i hate that people know. don't wanna make it a big deal if it's not. simple. but then again in my mind i think of the possibility if it is true and who and how i would tell people or if i'd just keep it a secret you know, like a walk to remember. hah. not so i'd be like her but so no one would treat me differently but thinking about it it'd be impossble. one cause my family gossips like no other and two because i'd feel bad that i'd have to lie to my friends. i just wouldn't want it to be a big deal either way cause i don't want the attention and i don't want people to feel sorry for me. cause in events like that even when i was younger if they made it a big deal i'd start to cry. weird kid. i know. hopefully it's nothing. but from what i learned gotta hope for the best and prepare for the worst. find out sometime this upcoming week. i wonder if by pain they mean exactly around the area or could like... pain like heartburn be similar. it'd help if they we're more specific and gave details rather than just be all whatever about it. my anxiety has been good about it but that's cause i either don't think about it or think about good outcomes from it. which is odd cause i haven't thought about the actual physical aspects of it. i'll get to it if and when it comes. life is funny sometimes. giving you tests with no instructions on how to take it or what to study. i guess i'll just have to wait and see. not one of my specialties but i guess i just gotta deal. ...sometimes your circumstances suck, but life doesn't... -Andrew McMahon p.s. it always helps to write/see this. Mon, Feb. 23rd, 2009, 09:41 pm
so past weekend was the twilight convention in the city. it was interesting. something i'm glad i can cross off of my list. don't get me wrong i loved the experience and pictures and everything about it i just am now broke. haha. it was funn weekend overall watched coraline which is trippy. saw pixar and almost died! can't wait to go inside! then the convention. i didn't know it could be sooooo tiring! like there's a lot of waiting and everything but even the waiting was exhausting. i mean maybe cause i was constantly rewriting my psych notes but just the fact that we stayed in essentially the same place for about 10 hours. i think it was all worth it though i like that i feel like i know the actors better and i kinda realize why i liked the book in the first place. all the hype has been making me feel like i needa roll my eyes everytime it's mentioned. but i remembered what the books did for me and how they made me feel. the fact that the people playing the characters i love were so nice and down to earth made me love them more. anywho i loved every moment. they seriously made my day and the pictures still instantly make me smile. =] i'm already kinda psyched for next year. haha. Tue, Feb. 17th, 2009, 10:26 pm     it's to be expected.  again and again. i would love to meet him again and again. he honestly is an inspiration to me. Tue, Feb. 17th, 2009, 01:02 am
there are about a million things I wish I could do differently. some of which has only myself to blame. I really wish I could be more independent and get used to everything again. then again there's days where I think about all the possibilities all the things I could've done to still be with him. of course, none of it is definite. regardless of anything I could possibly change there's no guarantee that any of it would change the outcome. I wish I could just get over it. I do think I might just need closure but I don't feel the drive to bring it up I feel that I deserve the apology as selfish and stubborn as that sounds. I wish he knew what it all meant and did to me. whatever. Mon, Feb. 2nd, 2009, 08:30 pm
i wanted to see what i could come up with. i'm watching the game and don't think it's healthy that i become so anxious over it. i SHOULD be doing my homework cause imma be anxious over HEROES!!! but ehhh ohh and cause this is everywhere and i wanna see if i can think of 25 stuff about myself. which...the idea of it is really weird. you have to see yourself as though you don't know yourself. then you gotta figure out what is unusual which is difficult because everything that you are and do isn't in any way random but just who you are. anywho... i'm just rambling. 1. i hate surprises. i can't take th anticipation. so if you have a surprise, how about not say you have a surprise and just make it a surprise? 2. i get really really emotional, it just depends on the situation. especially during disney movies, even if it's happy like enchanted. hah. 3. i've fainted/blacked out about four times. i guess i've underestimated my body but i can justify each one, i think. 4. my car's name is bloo because of foster's home for imaginary friends. 5. i almost always carry a tiny first aid kit, just in case. 6. i have a tattoo, nothing extraordinary but it means a lot to me. 7. i think i have as many, if not more, band shirts/hoodies than i do normal clothes. 8. i can't miss my shows Heroes (awesome and isn't just a stupid drama) and Jon and Kate plus 8 (they're sooo adorable!). 9. if i could be a fictional character i'd be a mix of rory gilmore and veronica mars. 10. i still have all my nsynce stuff...best boy band ever, they MUST come back. 11. when i catch the clock at 11:11 i close my eyes tight and make wishes. like right now! 12. i procrastinate A LOT. then i give the excuse that i work better at night and/or under pressure. hah. 13. i almost always wear my necklace, my 11:11 A.M. bracelet, and my ring named ringo star. 14. when i can't sleep i read, listen to music, or do yoga. (but usually the first two work =].) 15. i wish i could sing because i love to, but for the sake of everyone's sanity i do it on my own time. 16. i have two mirrors in my room, both of which is written on and has stickers all over them. 17. me and my sister share clothes, now me and my younger sister can share shoes (she's 9). 18. my ipod's name is Whorehey, like Jorge but way better. 19. i have a place in my room where i stash junk food, candy, and drinks. i'm an undercover fatty codename: big betty. 20. i want my lower lip or eyebrow pierced but it'd probably look weird. 21. i found our kitty in the backyard by the trash cans. his name is kitty cause we didn't know if he was a boy or girl. sometimes i call him little brother, he's my favorite =]. 22. i hate taking pictures but if it's with people and not just for the sake of taking pictures then whatever. 23. i don't like shopping, i can only shop with certain people. i'm weird i know. 24. when it comes to books, concerts tickets, and stuff i know i want i'm an impulsive buyer. (i bought the twilight books separately but wanted it in the set so i bought the set and gave my sister my other ones). 25. this took me forever to finish and i gotta do my homework but maybe i'll add more for fun. everything here is pretty basic nothing that people i know don't really know and wouldn't mind sharing it's people who don't know me that would assume that i'm weird which i am but just the right amount. i don't think any of it is that random? it's just stuff i think people should know by getting to know the people not by reading about it. i don't know. i guess i'd feel worried if it was more personal like the things i normally post. anywho...jon and kate plus 8 and possibly doing my homework =P haha. Sun, Feb. 1st, 2009, 11:38 pm
boooo. i'm feeling all stressed out and confused. stupid school and their reading assignments are stressing me the fuck out. gahhhh. especially poli sci. sooo freaking out about that class. grrr. mannnn... i don't know. ohh and i always hope for the best with this situation. and i know that most likely nothing will be wrong and everything will be fine and i'm just overreacting as per usual. but i feel so weak lately that when times get hard i wish that something would be wrong. god forbid that it does. it's just to be honest i'm being a scared lazy bitch and i want school to be over with already. i mean think about EVERYTHING i'd miss if it were true shows, parties, hanging out with friends. to be honest there are three main and stupid reasons i think i'd be okay with it. and they are really really stupid. one: school... but either way i'd have to get through it. two: cause maybe just maybe... things would go back to how they were before. jenn and heather would be friends and realize that their fighting is stupid and completely not worth the years of friendship. not only that... i'm gonna hate myself that this info is somewhere besides my brain but... that maybe me and him would at least be friends or something... i don't know... talking is not good. maybe just an actual, adult closure type thing. stupid stupid. i know. i don't know how to let go. and lastly, three: to have something to live for. honestly there's so much i wanna do but it's like... for funn kinda thing not like... i don't know. i feel like i don't have a purpose. like...my life isn't worth much. but if i can fight through something, inspire and create a better perspective in the world. then maybe my life isn't so worthless. i often think that maybe if i fight some disease or sickness i really am taking the place of someone else having it and am fighting it for them instead of having them suffer. you know, like what parents say they wish they could do for their children. stupid and is ridiculous, i know. anywho finally had our coffee date. i always miss so much. then again i'm a bad friend when it comes to keeping in touch. but i'm glad they're happy and safe. oh. and to be honest i know i love her and all and i've known her forever but i'm undoubtedly official oddwoman out when it comes to get-togethers so i can tell you honestly that though i'm happy to celebrate her birthday i'm absolutely dreading the dinner. especially the fact that it's the day after vday. whatever. suck it up (mars) what's a best friend for? [yes i would love to be v.mars. she's awesome. my idol.] boo. psychology paper due tomorrow. knowledge is power. Thu, Jan. 29th, 2009, 01:03 am
so even though it would seem as though this is a relevent moment if it is at all I don't feel like it I've imagined so many things that never happen good or bad that it seems as though everything I imagine won't come true. this is different circumstances though I assume that physical proof is one but I feel that I can never really believe myself another difference is that it's bad. the stupid thing is I hope for good things that would come from it rather than hoping for it to not be true at all maybe even the actual possibility hasn't sunk in and won't unless it were true. I guess I've been successful at ignoring my feelings because besides hunger and sleep it's as though I hardly feel anything anymore. that or being sad and alone has gotten so normal to me that's just considered my state of being. or I've finally accepted that there's no more hope for me to hold onto. hmm...I thought letting go was suppose to get me back to normal. how come I feel like I'm not better off and that I've actually gotten worse? I will remember...you will forget. Thu, Jan. 1st, 2009, 03:46 amAlthough he, at first, was persistent with calling he never really wanted to tell EVERYONE we were dating: parents family and online. Though I do realize that he did in other aspects: cousin and friends at school. Later in the relationship the calling pattern changed dramatically, and I shouldn't have been so stupid to overlook it.
Sent from my iPod.
Tue, Dec. 30th, 2008, 10:51 pm gahhh... what a shitty year... hopefully one more post before the hopefully better, new year comes. |
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